Hi, I'm Jeff, and I have a long-sentence problem. I tend to write long sentences, joined by conjunctions, instead of breaking them up into shorter sentences. Partly I do this because it's how the ideas are connected in my head, especially as I'm planning out entire paragraphs. Part of it might also be an echo of how I (and most people) speak; to avoid interruption, we often run on a bit to ensure that there are no gaps. I use parentheses, or equivalent commas and dashes, too much. I'm probably the only person I know who regularly uses semi-colons in text as well as code.

I'm particularly over-fond of using "but" to connect things. Again, it's how I think. I always look for the caveat or exception to any statement - it's part of how I'm effective at what I do both professionally and otherwise - so it creeps into my writing as well. When I can't use "but" I use "however" or "on the other hand" instead, but they mean the same thing.

Hang on. Let's try that again.

Hi. I'm Jeff. I have a long-sentence problem. I tend to write long conjunction-filled sentences instead of breaking them up into shorter ones. Partly I do this because it's how the ideas are connected in my head. This especially happens as I'm planning out entire paragraphs. Part of it might also be an echo of how I speak. To avoid interruption, I often run on a bit to ensure that there are no gaps. Many people do this. I use parentheses too much. I also use equivalent commas and dashes the same way. I'm probably the only person I know who regularly uses semi-colons in text as well as code.

I'm particularly over-fond of using "but" to connect things. Again, it's how I think. I always look for the caveat or exception to any statement. It's part of how I'm effective at what I do, both professionally and otherwise. It creeps into my writing as well. When I can't use "but" I use "however" or "on the other hand" instead. They mean the same thing.

OK ... which version seemed more readable to you?